Sitting in a comfy recliner chair with one blinding spotlight over my face, my dentist informed me that I have a harmless condition called ‘geographic tongue’, at which point I responded with “well, my tongue is well-traveled”. Then I reconsidered my response and suddenly understood the origin of the uncomfortable silence that followed.

The other day, I unknowingly drove on the left side of the road for a full kilometer, which I now realize is why something didn’t feel quite right. I thought it was my lunch.

I enter bathrooms with toilet paper already in hand.

Hit radio songs like ‘Party Rock Anthem’ are completely new to me, whereas everyone else has been sick of them for months. I’ve been here 4 days and I already opt for my own singing rather than the radio, so this means that people of the tri-state area are either really tough or they drove a screwdriver into their ears long ago.

The lack of street food and smiling faces upsets me.

My friend Becca informs me that there is a ‘feather’ fad, where girls wear faux feathers in their hair in an attempt to be indie. I can’t even partake now because I would be late to the game and thus, look like an idiot!