1) You can cut your Starbucks bill by 75% if you keep your cup. I am a sporadic coffee-drinker and Starbucks-attender so I didn’t know this until today, when I finished my last drop of black coffee and then looked down into my empty cup and pouted. Upon seeing this, a barista informed me I could get a refill for a mere 55 cents. What a world! Why is Starbucks charging $1.60 for a paper cup?? Oh, that’s right. It’s a business.

2) There is a soup kitchen exactly one block away from my home. I got up at the butt-crack of dawn to attend a volunteer orientation, and I’ll be officially reconvening my random bouts of community service in January. The manager working there asked me, “what brings you to us”, because most volunteers are there with some kind of affiliating group, a company, or it’s court mandated. That’s a joke. I wouldn’t know. Anyway, it was early and I didn’t feel like talking to someone so cheerful, so I just responded with a “Because I feel like it”. In retrospect, this answer is hilariously awkward and sufficiently reminiscent of some antisocial kindergartner, but it’s the truth. Behind her laugh she was probably thinking: “Why do I get all the weirdos?”

3) Amazon is heaven for lazy Christmas shoppers. And lazy shoppers. And lazy people.

4) After accidently buying the Diet Half Lemonade Half Iced Tea Snapple and being too absent-minded to read the label (anything with “diet” on it is automatically to be avoided), I’ve decided that this is the worst drink I’ve ever tasted and it may have turned me off from Snapple altogether. Nice work Snapple. You’re the worst.

5) This blog has now become a way of avoiding things I don’t want to deal with. The holiday season is synonymous with exam season, and even though I have nothing to worry about because I’m a smarty-pants, writing about the important realizations of December 15th is a great way to shirk my responsibilities of studying arcane social theories under a guise of discerning self-awareness.

6) Living in New Jersey and going to school out-of-state is a special position to be in. The typical chatter of the past week has been: “When do you go home for the holidays?” I go home comparatively late, and people tend to respond with “omg Squeaky Robot that, like, sucks so much”. And then I say dryly “I’m from Jersey”. And then they understand. In times of relentless mockery, I usually jump to defend the Garden State simply because no one else will, but sometimes I just cut to the chase and make the joke before anyone else can. Some would call this a breach of loyalty. I don’t have anything clever to respond with because I also would call it that.

xoxo Gossip Robot